Cats, cavemen, and BSE
I vaguely remember ridiculing a cat food commercial (I know, easy target) in which the announcer touted the flavors of this particular variety of chow providing "...the flavors your cat naturally craves." I heard that and thought, "My cat naturally craves beef?" Somewhere in little Snowball's DNA is the genetic recollection of her ancestors stalking the steppes for wild bovines? Those little bastards must've had wicked claws.
Of course it was balderdash. Felis domesticus naturally craves things like rodents, songbirds, fat crickets, and small lizards. I'm guessing that the chow companies don't make the flavors cats truly crave simply because labels like Savory Sparrow, Rat Paté, and Crunchy Cricket would not play well with the target market's purchasing agents (people). Similarly, don't expect to find Rancid Antelope Haunch in the dog food section any time soon (although most canned dogfood certainly smells like something a wild dog would roll in).
Pet food flavors like "Marinated Beef Feast In Savory Juice" were designed with human buyers in mind. Why?
Because humans naturally crave beef. Our ancestors actually did stalk the steppes in search of wild bovines. They killed them. They ate them. They gorged themselves on bloody red meat and rejoiced. When they recovered from this orgy of ingestion, they sharpened their sticks and went looking for more.
(NB - If you're a vegetarian or a vegan, don't bother writing to tell me I'm wrong about craving beef or about genetic sense memories. You're the ones deluding yourselves into believing that soy burgers and eggplant satisfy your cravings.)
The USDA and the National Cattlemen's Beef Association want us to keep eating beef. After reading Richard Rhodes's Deadly Feasts, though, I'm having a hard time convincing myself that any beef sold in the US is truly safe. Bovine spongiform encephalopathy is some scary shit. It turns you into a drooling idiot and then kills you. It strikes without warning. No one has the foggiest notion how to treat it. What's more, no test has been developed to find BSE in muscle tissue.
The people who want us to eat beef keep saying things like, "such and such cow was tested and showed no signs of BSE" and "we quarantined and then destroyed the affected animals" and "the American beef supply is completely safe" and my favorite, "I'm a family man. Do you think I'd deliberately feed toxic meat to my kids? And I feed them beef three times a day."
The USDA admits, "On December 23, 2003, FSIS issued a Class II recall of approximately 10,410 pounds of raw beef that may have been exposed to tissues containing the infectious agent that causes BSE." They go on, however, to explain that this is not a high-priority recall. "According to scientific evidence, the tissues of highest infectivity are the brain, spinal cord, and distal ileum portion of the small intestine. All were removed from the rest of the carcass at slaughter. Therefore, the meat produced were cuts that would not be expected to be infected or have an adverse public health impact."
"Highest infectivity" is doublespeak. Scientific evidence suggests it only takes one prion—a crystalline structure sub-cellular structure—to cause BSE. Our immune systems take no notice of these infectious bodies and may even be culpable in their spread. There are no mild cases of BSE. You get it—you babble and drool—you die.
Every once in a while, I work up the nerve to prepare a beef dish. Genetic and sense memories are unwitting accomplices of the cattleman's association. Yes, the author naturally craves the beef.
Generally, though, I have been trying to avoid beef. One of my favorite substitutes for beef are what I like to think of as "beefy" fish: tuna, albacore, and billfish. All of these have a flavor and texture somewhat reminiscent of beef in some treatments. Here are a couple.
Grilled albacore steaks with thick enchilada sauce
These are steaks but they might not look the part to anyone used to buying salmon or halibut steaks. Here's why this is confusing: the term steak, when applied to fish means a slice perpendicular to the spine. Fillets of tuna, albacore, and billfish are too large to be sold intact and are typically sliced into steaks.
dramatis personnae
3/4" to 1" thick albacore steaks
four mulatto peppers
one half cup water
juice of one medium lime
one small can tomato paste
pinch of sea salt
preparation notes
Grill the steaks (grill pan, grill, barbecue). The steaks should be cooked through (rare albacore has a mushy texture, which I find unpleasant). This takes just two minutes on a side if you're using a grill pan.
I suppose you could use yellowfin, bluefin, or big eye tuna for this preparation; you could also use swordfish steaks.
The mulatto chilli purée is a variant on the one I described in My Little Brown Jug with the addition of tomato paste (after straining the purée) for a flavor reminiscent of enchilada sauce. After you've strained the purée, added the tomato paste, and salted the sauce, mix a little more water to thin the sauce just enough to pour (about the consistency of a thick pasta sauce).
To serve, on each plate pour a circle of sauce as wide as a single steak. Place the steak on the sauce. Serve with fresh corn tortillas and a green vegetable or salad.
Tuna carpaccio
I love carpaccio, and I use almost the same recipe for tuna that I use for beef. Three exceptions:
- I do not include gruyere curls with tuna. The two tastes clash.
- I use a different green complement (fresh mustard greens with beef; wilted watercress with tuna).
- I do not pound or roll tuna carpaccio. The slices are strictly knife work.
one pound bluefin or yellowfin tuna
juice of two lemons
one quarter cup extra-virgin olive oil
a pinch of sea salt
cracked black pepper
one bunch watercress
one half teaspoon sesame oil
a splash of dark soy sauce
one half teaspoon sesame seeds
croutons
preparation notes
Yes, believe it or not, it is actually possible to enjoy raw tuna without the support of wasabi or the green horseradish that passes for wasabi in most American sushi bars.
You really have to have a good knife for this. I recommend a santoku or sashimi knife. Put the tuna in the freezer for about a half hour before slicing to firm it up.
You can drizzle the olive oil and lemon juice over the tuna separately (looks very artsy) or whisk them together first. In either case, do not dress the tuna until you are ready to serve it; the acid will begin pickling the fish immediately. (I like ceviche, too, but this is supposed to be a carpaccio.)
Remove most of the stems from the watercress. If you prefer, snow pea leaves and tendrils make a pleasant substitute for watercress. In either case, to blanch the greens bring a pot of water to a boil and drop in the greens. Immediately remove the pot from the flame and pour the greens into a colander or strainer. Rinse the greens in cold water to prevent any further cooking. Toss the greens with the sesame oil and soy. Sprinkle sesame seeds over the greens for serving.
For croutons, I slice a baguette into coins and toast them on one side in the broiler. These toast in just over a minute, so pay attention or you'll have charcoal.
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