Iron Chef is Dead--Long Live the Iron Chef
'Twould be nice. I realize that expecting anyone to recreate so rich and complex an experience as Fuji Television's long-running Iron Chef series is asking quite a lot, but the Food Network folks are now on their third attempt. We have to either give them an A for effort or a D for slow learner. This latest version actually has some promise, but some of the production is just wrong. No, make that Just Wrong. Perhaps even Just Wrong-o-rama. I don't know how many other concerned viewers have written to tell them they're doing it wrong, but if you're one of the concerned and you would like to see the Iron Chef tradition live on in some palatable form other than reruns, please email the Iron Chef America producers at http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/show_ia/text/0,1976,FOOD_16696_19539,00.html
with your concerns. Maybe enough of us acting in concert can work a Star Trek number on these guys.What follows is the text of my letter to the producers of Iron Chef America.
A letter to Iron Chef America
Like the majority of your audience, I'm a long-standing fan of the original Fuji Television Iron Chef series. As with most adherents, I was saddened by Fuji's decision to end the series. The original Iron Chef fulfilled several needs for me in that it provided education and inspiration in an entertaining package. I see that much work has gone into the task of reproducing that experience in the latest iteration of Iron Chef America, and--while I realize that you do not want to simply ape the original, I would hate to see this grand effort die for missing some of the key elements that made the original series such a powerful, long-lived staple of culinary programming. If I'm lucky, you've already received quite a few letters expressing the same set of concerns that I'm about to outline.
Let me begin by saying that I think the stadium, costumes, logos, chefs, and announcer are all outstanding choices. I have no qualms with these elements of the program. (Okay, I'm gilding the lily a bit. I find one of the Iron Chefs a bit grating and the Vogue food critic seems needlessly contrary, but I think those are matters of personal preference unrelated to the overall reception of the show.) Thus, I believe the foundation of the Iron Chef America to be sound. I should note that several of my friends do not share my optimism. They are more disheartened by the differences than heartened by the similarities and innovations.
I wish I could be as positive about your host. Mark Dacascos may be a fine actor, but his chairman persona is simply annoying. Who cares if he can do backflips or has "a martial arts black belt" (a statement that most of us read as "a wannabe who never got his black belt")? The martial arts and acrobatics footage have nothing to do with cooking, nothing to do with Iron Chef, nothing to do with the show. Likewise, that stupid karate chop gesture and Dacascos's bellicose delivery of the command, "Allez cuisine" is completely out of place. It looks silly. It looks like someone needs to translate the French for Mr. Dacascos. One more persona glitch, why do the chairman and Alton Brown keep referring to Kaga of the Fuji series as the new chairman's uncle? Without frequent reiteration of a backstory, the claim sounds hollow and pretentious. In any case, the nephew backstory is convoluted, contrived, and heavy-handed. It doesn't explain the new chairman's motivation. It doesn't add anything to the story. Do yourselves a big favor and drop this.
As I noted, I think Alton Brown is a fine choice for expert announcer. Through his Good Eats program, Alton has developed a kind of Food Network credibility as well as a degree of familiarity. I do not, however, believe that anyone should be required to do the job of three announcers. The original Fuji Iron Chef used three announcers in emulation of sports programs like Monday Night Football because they knew that the kind of banter helps fuel the audience's interest in the "game." Those programs use one play-by-play announcer (Fuji Iron Chef's Kenji Fukui), one expert commentator (Fuji Iron Chef's Yukio Hattori) and one color announcer (one or two guest judges). Alton can speculate on the dishes, but he can't argue with himself (well, not convincingly).
Nor should Alton be bringing floor commentator Kevin Brauch into his discussions. Brauch is having enough trouble just keeping up with the goings on down in the stadium. He seems to be doing a little better this season at keeping track of all the ingredients, but that's not saying much. Brauch should continue to improve with time. If not, you might want to consider replacing him with someone who can pronounce the names of the ingredients and of their chefs.
Getting away from personalities for a moment, I find several parts of the competition aspect of Iron Chef America unsatisfying. For example, why is the chairman choosing the Iron Chef to battle the challenger? This looks wrong. I'm sure you have several logistic reasons for pre-selecting the Iron Chef, but if you don't let the challengers make their own selections, the game looks rigged. Besides, you've made quite a big deal in your advertising of the challenge presented by the secret ingredient. Maintaining the surprise-defender tactic from the Fuji series makes the whole spectacle even more suspenseful--who will compete tonight?
Also, unlike the original show, you opted to spell out the point breakdown. I think this a fine idea, but the point categories and your presentation of the results just don't work. One quarter of the points for plating and appearance--that's fine. One half for taste--okay, but what do you mean? Good taste? That's entirely subjective. Establish and describe a reasonable rubric. How about something a bit more specific and slightly less subjective? For instance, the judges in the Fuji Iron Chef series frequently commented that they expected to see dishes presented in Battle Random Ingredient to focus on and exemplify Random Ingredient, not just make it taste good. Anything can be made to taste good with enough tasty stuff piled onto it. I would be more impressed by someone making flavorful use of the bitterness, say, of a Random Ingredient than by someone making a flavorful dish that masks that same bitterness or simply smothers it in truffles. The best dishes in Fuji Iron Chef shows were often said to lend depth to the selected ingredient, and the sets of dishes on a theme were often praised for demonstrating different attributes of that same ingredient.
My problem with the presentation of points is that, while you do break down the points according to category, you do not break down the points by judge. This looks like a poor attempt at hiding the subjectivity of the judging. I, for one, want to know how much of the difference in judging is due to one rogue judge. When Morimoto presents a set of seafood dishes and one of the judges says, "I don't like raw fish," I figure I have pretty good reason to believe the anti-sushi judge is unduly influencing the outcome. If the judges know that their scores will be presented with their names attached, they might be a bit more careful to push some of their biases aside.
Oh, one other complaint about the judging: that Tubular-Bells-Lite noise you play during the tasting sequences has to go. What is that, the sound track from one of Tinkerbell's wet dreams? Ick. Please eliminate it before you send someone up a tower with a high-powered rifle.
One last item that I find discomfiting in the competition is the competitors plating only one of each item. I understand that this gives them a little more time to perfect each dish, but think about this: the old Fuji Iron Chefs always plated one item for each judge and an extra for the chairman (except for the occasional group or family style presentation of a soup, stew, roast, or casserole item). The switch to one of each dish may have been meant to look clever and innovative, but it fails. It looks wimpy. It looks like an admission that, "Well, we can't do what the old Iron Chefs did, but we can almost do it."
Ultimately, I think that's the one stance you want to avoid in all aspects of Iron Chef America. In no way should your presentation read like a second-rate Iron Chef. Overall, I don't think it does, but these few persnickety details are clouding the overall appearance. Correct these items, and I think Iron Chef America can easily be a popular, successful, and entertaining redux of Fuji Television's Iron Chef.
Thank you for your time.
